Mission Impossible?

Last night, after sharing a meal with our Alpha participants, I attended the second of four dialogue sessions on homosexuality. A couple of years ago the General Synod of the Reformed Church in America mandated that dialogue sessions around this issue occur throughout the denomination before the matter is allowed to be discussed again in 2009. While it seemed like a good idea before I attended the first meeting, it now feels more like “Mission Impossible.” There are too many people and there is simply not enough time to even begin to discern what the key issues are, much less actually dialogue around those issues.

There are so many issues: Is homosexual orientation a sin, or is it simply a characteristic or preference? How does one come to experience same-sex attraction? Is it genetic, environmental, a choice; are their “spiritual forces” at work (or a combination of two or more of these)? Should we distinguish between same-sex attraction and same-sex behavior ?  If either or both of these is a sin, what weight do we give to it? Is it a sin like overeating, or is it more like adultery or even murder? Should congregations be legislating around this issue, or simply allow each individual Christian to listen to their own conscience? Should the denomination take a definite stand and discipline pastors, congregations and classes who don’t comply, or allow for diversity of belief and practice?

What about within each congregation — should gays and lesbians be welcomed into our worship settings? Do they need to stop engaging in a homosexual lifestyle in order to become members? Or do we draw the line at the point of their becoming a teacher or leader, or a deacon or elder, or becoming a pastor? (For example, many African churches allow men who had more than one wife before becoming Christians to keep their wives and children, but don’t allow them to become leaders in the church.)

Then there is the stance we take towards legislation in the public square, where issues like gay marriage, insurance for gay partners and other gay rights come into play. Should non-Christians be required to live according to moral standards that require a biblical underpining, especially those that may be difficult to live out without the power of the Holy Spirit? Or should moral restrictions involving homosexual behavior be viewed as ”universal laws,” as in the case of incest, pedophilia, theft or murder?

I could go on. Even if we could agree on all the theological and theoretical aspects of this issue, there would still be all the practical aspects to work out. It’s not like you can take your stand on one of the issues (for example, how a person comes to be gay), and then all the other issues automatically sort themselves out. I say all this for a couple of reasons: first, to help all of us recognize the number and complexity of the issues surrounding same-sex attraction; and second, to encourage all of us to be praying for our denomination. There is a decent chance that this issue could split us apart.

“But pastor, where do you fall on these issues?”

You would have to ask that.

Do you have a week?

Rather than try to give my thoughts on each of the matters I raised, I’d rather quote a “middle position” advocated by Robert Gagnon, whose analysis of the biblical, psychological and sociological aspects of homosexual orientation and practice I very much respect and resonate with:

Liberals are concerned that gays and lesbians be treated with love and respect.

Conservatives are concerned that the Bible’s opposition to homosexual practice be upheld.

The view that will best bridge this divide and result in a win-win situation is to maintain a two-sex requisite for marriage while reaching out in love to reclaim those who engage in homosexual practice — showing empathy for the difficulty of living with persistent same-sex attractions, readily forgiving every back-step that is repented of, eagerly restoring such a one to the community of faith, providing support groups for mutual encouragement, and meeting needs for intimacy and affirmation from persons of the same sex through close same-sex, non-erotic friendships.

Without nitpicking, I’d say that this pretty closely expresses what for me would be the ideal response to people struggling with same-sex attraction.

Are we there as a congregation? I think we’re close to being there in our response to addicts, though I’m sure that even here we have a ways to go. While addiction isn’t an exact parallel, I think it does offer a helpful analogy. In my experience, many cases of addiction, much like many cases of same-sex attraction, involve a combination of genetic disposition, environmental factors, personal choice and spiritual forces. I think almost all of us were very moved when Dennis stood in front of our congregation a couple of weeks ago and shared his struggles with his addictions. I was proud of you when you gave him a standing ovation. I hope that the time will come when a person who struggles with same-sex attraction will be able to elicit the same response from our congregation — that we’ll have the same compassion, forgiveness, admiration and commitment to doing everything we can to support and encourage that person’s growth in Christ. If I were to hazzard a guess, I think you would respond to a person struggling with same-sex attraction in the same way you responded to Dennis. I look forward to when the Lord will test us.

The reason I say that is because people struggling with same-sex attraction are some of the most hurting people in our churches. They have had to live with so much self-judgment and condemnation from others that their wounds go very, very deep. Because they don’t feel free to share their struggles with other believers, their pain is compounded by an intense loneliness. Brothers and sisters in Christ, I want to be there for them. I want us to be there for them. I want them to know and sense that BRC is a place where they will not be condemned, even while they struggle to become free from whatever desires and behaviors have them in their grip. Most if not all of us know what it means to be in the grip of something. I hope we can join them in moving together into the grip of God’s grace — the grace that forgives and the grace that empowers. That’s the kind of church I want us to be. That’s the kind of church I see us already becoming, for which I am grateful to God.

What if people come to us and say, “We don’t believe what we’re doing is sin. Nor do we believe our homosexual orientation is a form of brokenness. In fact, we believe that God made us this way by design.” My counsel at this point is for us to deal with that bridge when we come to it. What we can decide right now is to show respect, to listen, and to learn from these folks, and look for areas where we can agree, while acknowledging areas where we disagree. In fact, we can begin to do that with people within our congregation who right now have differing views on this issue. What all this means in relation to church membership or involvement in leadership may only come clear as we talk and live with each other. Is this an area like infant vs. adult baptism or pacifism vs. just war theory where we can agree to disagree? Or is this one of those issues where more definite lines need to be drawn, especially when it comes to church leadership? While I have thoughts and impressions around these issues, they aren’t cast in stone. I trust and hope that the Spirit will lead us, and that this too will be an important, even constructive part of the journey we share together as God’s people, though there may be confusing and painful turns in the road along the way.

I welcome your feedback, either as a comment on this blog, through an email, or in person. As I interact with other pastors and churches, I feel so very grateful to God that you are the community he led me to.

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