Loved X 3
“LOVED X 3″ was the theme of the retreat, and looking back on it, I see that we were. It felt messy to me as I was going through it: so many of us, and all so different; so many hopes and so many wounds. But of course! That’s the point, isn’t it. (Papa laughs and says, “you think?”)Seeing the Father differently through Jesus’ parable of those two sons who were totally oblivious to the generousity and beauty of their father’s powerful love (and who were therefore unnecessarily miserable!); finding our hearts aching to be like the other Son, to love Abba like His Son Jesus does, and then noticing His own Spirit so gently swirling among us during that final big circle of prayer…. many of us returned home with a stronger desire than ever to live in God’s love.
“Practicing the presence of God” seems to take on new dimensions when the God who is present, is present X 3. Father is here. Jesus is here. Holy Spirit is here. Papa, Jesus, Sarayu (as in The Shack ). Somehow it seems less like effort, and more like a party. At least when living in God’s presence is what I want.
Here’s another discovery: if hidden away beneath my pleasant exterior a little bit of self-pity is brewing or perhaps an intention to indulge myself without looking to see the expression on Jesus’ face, then it isn’t a party at all to have The Three-in-One so attentive. I would just as soon believe myself to be alone. And yes, I tried that for several hours and it’s awful. The howling selfishness rushes in; things lose color; the responsibilities ahead (intriguing opportunities earlier, but now burdensome obligations) will be impossible to fulfill; nothing is right.
How sorry I am to have pushed Them away! But how glad I am to know so vividly now the difference between living with Them and living with ‘just me’.
How good The Three are: no taking offense, no silent treatment, no leaving me to lie tossing and turning in the bed I’d made for myself. None of that. Not that it was a party right away when I returned. But They were there. As soon as I came back, I was held and helped.
It’s quiet here this morning. Quietly The Three-in-One receives me moment by moment. Those responsibilities are opportunities again, because I’ll be working with Them in whatever childish way is possible for me. The Triune One has gently, skillfully softened my heart again and poured love into it for everyone who has come to mind this morning. It’s quiet inside; I’m glad to be alive.
God is good.
April 29, 2008 at 5:44 pm
How hard it is to live like Jesus, to make Love our Dominant feature. Its hard for a variety of reasons, maybe because of our pasts or maybe just the fear of getting hurt. This weekend I believe that we all are going to make the effort to make Love our most dominant feature now that we realize the Love that the Trinity has for us. This wekend has given me such an appeciation of the Trinity, so much so I know I can rely on them when I go through daily struggles. Thank you for the pleasure of all of your company, for the tears, the hugs, the laughs, the Love. With this weekend now gone may we all will approach everyday with the Love that the Trinity offers us, to make Love our Dominant Feature…
April 30, 2008 at 9:24 am
Your words have the ring of truth, David. Understanding and trusting the love the Trinity has for us is directly linked to our ability to make love the dominant feature in our own lives. To the degree that we realize the love in which God steadily holds us, we can love other people (including the people we’re certain will disappoint or hurt us). We can afford to ignore our fear of being hurt; we can stop doing self-protection. It’s probably as we take those kinds of risks, that we’ll experience the total reliability of the Trinity. (Oh ouch! ‘Someone’ just pointed out a place where I’m in self-protection mode. Okay!)